Quick Update

001. Hey everyone, so I just wanted to let you all know that I won't be blogging for the next few days because I am moving my booty to Bozeman for the summer to go work at a children's theatre camp! This is my sixth year working at camp, and I'm very excited to be returning, however the next few days are going to be spent getting ready, packing and saying goodbye to everyone here in Zoo Town. I will probably have some fun stories to tell though after I get there because I am taking my dog, Ralphy, with me, which should  be interesting to say the least. I will also be taking my cat Boris. Not sure how I am going to fit a Rottweiler, a cat, my suitcase(s), my guitar and backpack of things that didn't fit in my suitcase(s) into my TINY car, but hopefully all goes well! Wish me luck!

002. I have been mulling over the idea of creating a Facebook page specifically for this blog so that 1) I'm not littering my personal Facebook page with updates of when I post and 2) it creates another way that is SUPER simple to communicate with me because everyone and their mother has a Facebook! Let me know if you guys think this would be a good idea in the comment section below por favor (that's please in spanish)!!!

003. I just wanted to take a quick moment to thank you all for reading my blog because right now I am at over 1000 page views in one month! HOLY BOATS! It is absolutely quite possible that this is not a lot at all, but it is WAY more than I ever expected this soon and I just wanted to say thank you for reading. Also, the reactions buttons have been going quite nicely and people have begun using them which is awesome! It is always helpful as a blogger to get a bit of feedback from her readers, whether it be from comments or from the reactions. So thank you for using those also! You guys are just fantastic.

004. I drew you guys a picture of a dinosaur to hold you over until I blog again in about four days.

THERE ARE PEOPLE LIKE ME!

For as long as I can remember, I have had this weird thing where I think that inanimate objects have feelings and I have the potential to hurt those feelings. I thought that I was the only person in the world who felt this way about inanimate objects, but I was reading old posts of one of my favorite blogs, Hyperbole And A Half, and discovered that Allie Brosh herself also has this issue along with many of her commenters! I no longer felt so alone in the world.

I told my mom about Allie's post (my mom also really enjoys Hyperbole And A Half), and she told me a story about a woman who she used to see shop in a grocery store in her hometown who would only buy dented cans, boxes and other damaged items because other people had rejected them, and she felt bad for them. At this point I REALLY began feeling sane again because for one, I don't binge buy dented cans to make them feel better and for two, my disorder mostly associates to stuffed animals, clearance movies, old trinkets in my room, and pillows and blankets. Okay.. that last part made me start questioning my sanity again.

When I was born, my mom made me this baby blanket that I called "Blanket", and my grandmother made me a pillow that I called "Pillow". I was a real creative kid, I know. I carried Blanket and Pillow with me literally everywhere I went. If mom or dad took me to the grocery store, Blanket and Pillow came with. If they took me to the gas station, Blanket and Pillow came with. Going for a walk? I couldn't forget Blanket and Pillow. In fact, I drug them around with me so much that one day, Pillow just disintegrated. He (Pillow and Blanket were both male... I wonder what THAT means), just one day vanished into thin air and I never saw him again. I actually made a little pillow disintegrate before the age of four. What did you do with your life by that age?

This is me at a young age chewing on a bear's face. Pillow is kicking it in the corner and Blanket is keeping me nice and warm while I chew on the bear face. 

Here I am using Blanket as a cape. I am also wearing dog face ear muffs and holding a licorice string. I remember parts of this day and I remember being told to "calm down" multiple times.

My mom actually reconstructed Pillow for me to make Pillow 2 for Christmas one year.

This is Pillow 2. It looks just like Pillow! Jeez oh man, my mom is good. 

Blanket was still going pretty strong at this point. None the less, within two years Blanket began falling apart. I did some shoddy sewing jobs on Blanket, but it was no use... he was also falling apart. My mom tried to help by suggesting we make another blanket to wrap around Blanket with a zipper so any time I missed Blanket I could just unzip the less than satisfactory blanket that was suffocating my real Blanket and he would technically always be with me. My mom only brought this up two times because each time it sent me into a psychotic fit and I would spent hours crying holding Blanket telling him I wouldn't let them tear us appart.

I have managed to make him last until now, but he's very fragile.

See all of the falling apart-ness of Blanket. You can see his guts. I'm not pleased about it. There's also a hole in the middle. I'm afraid that if I sleep with him every night he will fall apart even more. I think he understands this and knows that I can not love him constantly.

Honestly, I think I would have gotten over my quirk at some point in my childhood, but the movie Toy Story and my mom prevented that. When my mom took me to Disneyland, I found large stuffed animals of Woody, Buzz, Jesse and Bullseye that of course my mom had to buy me. One day, we returned to the hotel room and the Toy Story stuffed animals along with my stuffed animal gorilla George (who still travels with me everywhere I go) were in different positions like they had been playing all day long. My eight year old heart fell out my butt. My toys came to life and played with each other while I wasn't there which meant they were fully capable of understanding when I rejected them! After this point in my life I made every effort to be holding every stuffed animal that I owned and Pillow and Blanket while I slept because they might be sad if I neglected them.


Later on, my mom informed me that she asked the Housekeeper at the hotel to move the stuffed animals when she came to clean the room. I think part of me though still believed my stuffed animals feel emotions and to this day I struggle to get rid of stuffed animals or little pieces of crap I've collected throughout the years.

Here I am with Blanket, Pillow and George. 

I blame Toy Story and my mom if I am every featured on that show hoarders.

Simple Grammar Mistakes Make Me Want To Slap Your Mother

I was going to write about cats today, but someone commented on my Facebook status, and I needed to share it with you all and then discuss the mess of a comment this was.

Jewel Christensen

I kind of like when it's rainy and cold out side and I'm home alone because I can wear just the most ridiculous things. They are warm and no one is around to judge me. =]

33 minutes ago ·  ·  · 

• • 
    

    Benjamin Gerald Wollschlager Y u home alone? You're way to cute 4 that
    

    14 minutes ago · 
  • 
    

    Jewel Christensen Does it count as being home alone if I talk to myself? ha.. just kidding.. or am I?
    

    about a minute ago · 

After reading Mr. Wollschlager's comment I presumed to rock back and forth on the floor, crying in the the fetal position while hyperventilating. There are two reasons this comment sent me into a state of mental shock and panic, and I will lay them out for you now.

Hitting On Someone Via Facebook Status Is Creepy:

For all of you fellas who read my blog, I just want to tell you right now that FACEBOOK IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE PLACE TO INITIATE FLIRTING..... especially if you do not know the person, which is the case with Mr. Wollschlager and myself. If you do know the person, occasional flirty comments are fine, but initiating conversation in this manner tells me, "Hello, my penis is desperate for attention and I would like you to be his friend." Also, hitting on a girl via their Facebook status (at least for me) tells them you assume she is a big pile of slut bag. Let's be real, what girl with any bit of self respect will just give her number to a guy who hits on her through her Facebook status. In all honesty though.. this isn't my biggest problem with the comment, because I know how to get rid of creepy guys (as you can see with my comment... feigning schizophrenia works quite nicely).

If You Are Old Enough to Have a Social Networking Site, You Are Old Enough to Use Proper Grammar:

Okay. I am not going to lie. I make small grammar mistakes. I'm pretty sure that unless you are my speech and debate coach from high school or a college professor who is supposed to know proper grammar, it's fairly common to make simple grammar errors. HOWEVER, one of my biggest pet peeves in the whole wide freaking world is when people misspell words on purpose. The words "why" and "you" consist of three letters. If you are too lazy to write those little words out then I think you need to examine your life closely. The same goes for replacing words with numbers. Numbers are for counting. Letters are for spelling.

Also, "the" is spelled t-h-e, not t-h-a. Little, not lil, and don't be afraid of the -g at the end of progressive verbs (going, seeing, etc.), they will not hurt you. I don't care if you are white, black, asian, hispanic or purple, the words are spelled the same no matter how you say them, and you look like a jack ass when you spell them like you have "swagger". Especially if you are a white girl from the north west who owns more than three pairs of cowboy boots. 

Now, with all of these shortened words, my commenter actually spelled out "you're" and used the proper word! I think this is where my head exploded. For those of you who are unaware, there is "your" and "you're", and each has a distinct meaning. My commenter lost it again though with "to" when it should have been "too". There is also "two". Just save the world and your college professors some time, and learn that each of these has a distinct meaning too. Finally, the biggy: their, there, and they're. Three. Distinct. Meanings. LEARN THEM. 

Okay. I just had to get that out there and vent about the lack of basic grammar skills on the internet now-a-days. I apologize if you were really looking forward to reading about cats, but I don't know how you would have known I was going to be writing about cats because I didn't tell you, and you should probably put your mind reading tools to better use. But I do promise I will write about cats in the near future. Possibly tomorrow... we shall see.

PS: Just because I wrote about grammar does not mean I want to be corrected on my grammar or to have people tell me that my comma is in the wrong spot. I'm not a grammar expert, but the things that usually drive me nuts are things that we as human beings learned about in the second grade or so and aren't super complicated. Thanks guys you all rock and I know your grammar won't disappoint me!