This Is A Post For My Friend Trevor

     My friend Trevor's birthday was yesterday and he was the person who inspired me to start a blog so I decided to make him this!

     It's a cake! So Happy Birthday Trevor! I hope you like your cake. I decided to make it pink because who doesn't like a pink cake?! 

     Okay, I will actually do another post today though, I just wanted to do this. 

If I Told You All That I Wrote This In My Underwear, Would You Still Feign Interest?

     I'm still struggling with my insomnia like no other. Part of my problem right now though is that I have terrible joint pain, and my knees just like to be all like, "Fuck you Jewel, we don't want you to sleep, we want to to stay awake until five in the morning and suffer until you go insane. MUAHAHAHAH!" That was this morning.

     I literally tried everything to make myself go to sleep. I tried listening to soothing music. I drank warm milk... which was just disgusting and reminded me why I don't drink milk in the first place. I downloaded an app on my iPod called SleepPillow that plays white noise, and I tried listening to the crackle, crackle of a fire because all of the water ones just made me have to pee, but no. All my body could think about was the radiating pain from my knees and the fact that earlier in the day when I was googling "how to be an awesome blogger" and didn't have blogger typed out, my search bar assumed I was going to type either, "ninja", "waitress", "person", or "aunt". I do kind of want to be all of those things at an awesome level, but for a moment let's talk about being an awesome blogger.

     So, around four this morning I decided to google how to be an awesome blogger, and of course many things came up. One of the most common things people said was to encourage all of my readers to subscribe to my blog. I've always felt like I would be such a piece of shit for "encouraging" people to subscribe to my blog. So, I think I'm just going to say, if you enjoy what you read and feel the urge to receive updates when I write new things, you should subscribe! But do this upon your own volition and not upon my encouragement. I think if I only got subscribers because of my encouragement my insomnia would just become more severe. 

     They also said that you should be providing some kind of service to your readers. Well I just want to apologize right now because I am most definitely not providing any kind of service to my readers. At most I am distracting people from work/ summer school, keeping people from playing outside (except when I encourage people to go climb shit... GO!), and I don't have a third point.... oh! I don't give away stuff. If you ever expect to get free shit from my blog, I must destroy your hopes and dreams right now and tell you that my blog will never give you free shit. I'm sorry.

     After reading all of these "How To" articles on being an awesome blogger, I realized that they did not know what kind of awesome blogger I want to be. Then again, neither do I. I suppose I am still developing my "blogger" style and who I want to be known as on the inter-web. BUUUT, what I do know is people are reading this blog and I would love some feedback via comments. If you don't want to leave a comment there are those little boxes that you can check if you find what I have written to be funny, interesting, or cool. YAAAAY! 

     This doesn't feel like a proper ending to a blog post... how about I tell you all how I ended up getting some sleep. My doctor prescribed some emergency Lortab for my joint pain in bad situations when I can't sleep and walk etc., so I decided to take some of that. Before I fell asleep though, I was definitely high and watching Ghost Hunters. Best. Morning. Ever. Okay, now you all know that I am a dork and I am wondering if I should be sharing my love of Ghost Hunters... but I don't feel like deleting that so... let's just see how this goes.

     Maybe I'll do a real post later today. 

The Guys Who Pronounce It Douché

     During my first semester in college, I discovered a specific breed of college goer whom I like to call "The Guys Who Pronounce It Douché". So who is the guy who pronounces it douché? This is the name I have given to that uber pretentious guy that is in at least one of your classes. For me it was intro to film.
     Spotting the guy who pronounces it douché is honestly quite easy. He usually tries to make himself look like he just rolled out of bed,

and after an hour and a half of tugging and teasing he'll spend another two hours trying to look like he just picked up the first twelve things that were lying on the floor and layered them in a haphazard manner.

He also probably wears non-prescription glasses because they make him seem intellectual and picked up smoking within the first week of school to make himself seem like much more than an intellectual.

Now he's an intellectual bad boy that reeks of tobacco and whatever shitty cologne he stole from his dad before heading to college. The Guy Who Pronounces It Douché usually also has one or two friends who are about two steps away from being Guys Who Pronounce It Douché, but they aren't quite there yet and are still able to have real conversations without sounding like a complete douche (and that is douche... not douché).

Oh, and don't forget the tattoo of Moliere on his bicep... classic.

     So what is there to be done about The Guy Who Pronounces It Douché? Not much. I think awareness is really important. So the purpose of this post is mostly to spread the word about The Guys Who Pronounce It Douché. Don't be fooled. They're hiding in your classes, they're playing shitty acoustic guitar in your University Center, and they're growing at a rapid amount. Beware.