Mark Zuckerberg Owns My Soul and He Owns Yours Too

I love Facebook. Facebook is like my meth. I used it once and now I will never be able to stop. But you know what, I'm fine with that. I never got into the games and questionnaires on Facebook because I think they are stupid. I think the questionnaires are stupid because it's so incredibly judgmental of your friends and it clogs up my wall with unwanted crap that absolutely means nothing to me. I think the games are stupid because you could do so many better things with your time on Facebook like tag people, like things, or creep on people's photos. That's what Facebook is for.

In my years of being on Facebook, I have discovered that there are many types of people on Facebook and I think Facebook thrives off these people, but it still doesn't make me any less frustrated with them.

The Creepy Guy Who Comments Awkward Compliments on Photos
I'm not good about taking compliments in general. I don't know what it is, but I just become very embarrassed when people compliment me and worried that I won't respond in the right way. However, my least favorite thing is when guys whom I do not know comment on my photos saying things like, "Ur hott". First of all why can't they just spell the fucking words right? Dear Facebook Creep, you feel the need to not spell out the full word you're but you at and extra t to hot? Also, do you think that your smooth words and terrible spelling will make me fall for you? You would be wrong. Granted, it is partially my fault for allowing people I didn't know to be my friend on Facebook and I've now become more restrictive of who I allow to be my friend.

The Over-Liker

When I get on Facebook, nothing makes me more happy than when I see that someone has liked what I have said. The most satisfying feeling for me is when the likes on a status update or comment get up into the double digits. I really feel like I've done something of worth at that point. But one thing that bothers me is when someone likes everything everyone on Facebook says ever. It's kind of disappointing when you see this person like something you wrote because since they like everything you can't really trust that they actually like what you have written or that it was even funny or interesting. The like button was probably the best invention by Mark Zuckerberg and the almighty Facebook Gods, but when the over-liker abuses the like button, it makes me lose faith in the like button and all it was made for. 

All of My Status Updates Are Song Lyrics Because I'm Just That Deep

I'm not going to lie, I've put song lyrics in my status update before, but when every single status consists of other people's words, I no longer believe that the person on the other end of the computer is a human, but actually a robot. 

Simple Grammar Mistakes Make Me Want To Slap Your Mother

I was going to write about cats today, but someone commented on my Facebook status, and I needed to share it with you all and then discuss the mess of a comment this was.

Jewel Christensen

I kind of like when it's rainy and cold out side and I'm home alone because I can wear just the most ridiculous things. They are warm and no one is around to judge me. =]

33 minutes ago ·  ·  · 

• • 
    

    Benjamin Gerald Wollschlager Y u home alone? You're way to cute 4 that
    

    14 minutes ago · 
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    Jewel Christensen Does it count as being home alone if I talk to myself? ha.. just kidding.. or am I?
    

    about a minute ago · 

After reading Mr. Wollschlager's comment I presumed to rock back and forth on the floor, crying in the the fetal position while hyperventilating. There are two reasons this comment sent me into a state of mental shock and panic, and I will lay them out for you now.

Hitting On Someone Via Facebook Status Is Creepy:

For all of you fellas who read my blog, I just want to tell you right now that FACEBOOK IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE PLACE TO INITIATE FLIRTING..... especially if you do not know the person, which is the case with Mr. Wollschlager and myself. If you do know the person, occasional flirty comments are fine, but initiating conversation in this manner tells me, "Hello, my penis is desperate for attention and I would like you to be his friend." Also, hitting on a girl via their Facebook status (at least for me) tells them you assume she is a big pile of slut bag. Let's be real, what girl with any bit of self respect will just give her number to a guy who hits on her through her Facebook status. In all honesty though.. this isn't my biggest problem with the comment, because I know how to get rid of creepy guys (as you can see with my comment... feigning schizophrenia works quite nicely).

If You Are Old Enough to Have a Social Networking Site, You Are Old Enough to Use Proper Grammar:

Okay. I am not going to lie. I make small grammar mistakes. I'm pretty sure that unless you are my speech and debate coach from high school or a college professor who is supposed to know proper grammar, it's fairly common to make simple grammar errors. HOWEVER, one of my biggest pet peeves in the whole wide freaking world is when people misspell words on purpose. The words "why" and "you" consist of three letters. If you are too lazy to write those little words out then I think you need to examine your life closely. The same goes for replacing words with numbers. Numbers are for counting. Letters are for spelling.

Also, "the" is spelled t-h-e, not t-h-a. Little, not lil, and don't be afraid of the -g at the end of progressive verbs (going, seeing, etc.), they will not hurt you. I don't care if you are white, black, asian, hispanic or purple, the words are spelled the same no matter how you say them, and you look like a jack ass when you spell them like you have "swagger". Especially if you are a white girl from the north west who owns more than three pairs of cowboy boots. 

Now, with all of these shortened words, my commenter actually spelled out "you're" and used the proper word! I think this is where my head exploded. For those of you who are unaware, there is "your" and "you're", and each has a distinct meaning. My commenter lost it again though with "to" when it should have been "too". There is also "two". Just save the world and your college professors some time, and learn that each of these has a distinct meaning too. Finally, the biggy: their, there, and they're. Three. Distinct. Meanings. LEARN THEM. 

Okay. I just had to get that out there and vent about the lack of basic grammar skills on the internet now-a-days. I apologize if you were really looking forward to reading about cats, but I don't know how you would have known I was going to be writing about cats because I didn't tell you, and you should probably put your mind reading tools to better use. But I do promise I will write about cats in the near future. Possibly tomorrow... we shall see.

PS: Just because I wrote about grammar does not mean I want to be corrected on my grammar or to have people tell me that my comma is in the wrong spot. I'm not a grammar expert, but the things that usually drive me nuts are things that we as human beings learned about in the second grade or so and aren't super complicated. Thanks guys you all rock and I know your grammar won't disappoint me!