Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Dear Bicycle, I Think We Should See Other People.

I hate the feeling of being out of shape. There are many reasons for my hatred of being out of shape, but the biggest one is because it is SO fucking hard to get back in shape and so much easier to be lazy and eat mini-oreos all day. It's super hard for me to stay in shape while working at camp because I'm usually so tired by the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is go running or do aerobics or pilates. Also, it's very hard for me to pack healthy lunches because it's just way easier to bring Easy Mac every day and pop it in the microwave (my new nickname from my camp director is Half-Mac). Since I'm on a two week break from camp right now, I decided that I am going to workout every day and eat super healthy for these two weeks and hopefully I will stay motivated when I'm back in Bozeman.

So far I've been doing a great job with the working out every day thing. My dad was the camera man on a workout video last summer and jeez oh man, it's a kick ass work out. A little FYI for anyone trying to get in shape, anything that is dance inspired will do your body wonders! I kind of hate working out on my own though because it's so easy to become demotivated, so I decided to ask my best friend Ren if she would want to be my workout buddy for the next two weeks. She said yes, and our first workout took place yesterday.

The original plan was to ride our bikes to the University, go hike the M, then ride our bikes back home. In my mind we were going to do all of this without breaking a sweat, and when we were finished we were going to be so in shape that if you punched us in the stomach, your hand would just disintegrate. Like usual, my imagination was about as wrong as Anthony Wiener's penis size (congress men should not be packing heat).

We left Ren's grandparent's house and got about halfway to the University when we decided we wanted to go to the Italian restaurant she works at but we forgot money.
We stopped for a little photo-op. 

This was before we realized life sucked on bikes. 

After going half way to the university, then back to grandma's house, and back to where we had left off, we had traveled 3.5 miles. This was the moment we decided that hiking the M was no longer an option. We kept riding and the temperature climbed to about 88 degrees. We rode to the University and then over to Ren's favorite park which added another 2.84 miles to our ride. When we arrived at the park we collapsed on the grass under the shade of a large tree, and we didn't move a single muscle for a good thirty minutes.

The view from our spot in the grass.

After deciding we were hungry and wanted to go to the restaurant Ren works at, we got up and got back on our bikes. Apparently during the time of sitting, our butts left their state of bicycle seat shock and realized they were in pain and never wanted to touch a bicycle seat again. When I sat back down on my bicycle seat, my butt screamed in horror. I felt like I imagine a prison inmate might feel like... you know what, I'm not even going to finish that sentence. Just know, it was painful, and I didn't like it. The whole way to the restaurant we were both griping and groaning about the pain our butts were suffering, and that this was the worst idea in the world.

The trip to the Restaurant added another .92 miles to the bike ride. We sat down, vey tenderly for the sake of our bottoms, and ordered some Pasta and a desert. For the fun of it, and also to suck up some time before getting back on those torture devices that we used to think were oh so fun, we asked if we could learn to toss pizza dough. We weren't very good, but we had a blast pretending we were good!

So basically my best friend is gorgeous and makes pizza dough look hot.

It broke. Oops.

After our failed pizza dough adventure we decided to get back on the ass destroying machines and go back to grandma's house (we also forgot our to go boxes but remembered after only two blocks so that wasn't too bad). When we got about seven blocks from our destination, my bike decided that it no longer wanted to wear a chain. We then presumed to look like complete idiots on the side of a very busy road attempting to fix a bike. I made eye contact with a woman who was laughing at us! As soon as she saw me look at her she tried to pretend she wasn't laughing, but I saw! I know you were laughing at our misery Lady in the car, and I do not appreciate it!

As we were struggling a guy on a bike who was wearing the spandex and everything rode right past us like we weren't there! He didn't even offer to help, and you know he would have been able to fix the bike because he was practically dressed like he took a wrong turn off the Tour de France and ended up in Montana! What a jerk! I hope he reads this and knows that I am judging him right. this. second. Okay, I'm done with that.

We walked the bikes a little bit and then all of a sudden my bike decided to wear the chain again. Bike, make up your damn mind please! We FINALLY made it to grandma's house, and when we walked into the house, we looked like we had been stranded in the desert for days without water and were inches from death. We weren't even exaggerating one little bit, I promise. We eventually collapsed in the living room and watched The Social Network (great movie). I also went on MapMyRide and our bike ride totaled 9.2 miles!!!

Today my mom asked if I wanted to go on a bike ride and I looked at her with the most serious face possible and said, "I'm currently not on speaking terms with bikes."


Jemmy said...

Ha, I love my riding my bike. I think the max I've ridden it this summer is 8 miles so far. I need more miles! Anyways love you Jewelsie!

jewel said...

It's so hard! It really sucks too because during the school year I can ride ten to twelve miles on the stationary bike while doing the cardio workout! haha. I really let myself go.